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Friday, May 29th, 2009
3:22 am
Feel no need to read my ramblings as I do seem to go on a bit long, just watch the movies (yes, both of them!) feel free to skip the first 5-10 minutes the intro is quite long and a bit boring.

Zeitgeist: The Movie

Zeitgeist: Addendum

Official Site: http://www.zeitgeistmovie.com/

Can also be found on www.YouTube.com


I'm not one for believing in conspiracy theories but I do believe in keeping an open mind. All our knowledge can be distilled down to what is essentially word of mouth. We are not omnipresent, we do not have first hand accounts of every event, or every truth, nor do we have the time to investigate and research thoroughly every event, history or concept in existence. We would need several lifetimes over to do so. Journalists are suppose to do this for us, but if you know anything about Rupert Murdoch or have been paying even slight attention to the news media over the past decade you will come to question the legitimacy of this claim.

Some things we simply have to take, not on faith, faith implies a blind acceptence, but rather on our own intuition, logic (does this person have something to gain by misleading me?), and what our experience tells us to be true. That being said I feel there is a great deal of truth here, though I can't come to you and say this is %100 undeniable truth and fact, it certainly does have a high level of believability.

The first part of this movie has to do with religion, if you are religious you will likely find this very offensive, because it reveals how christianity is based on a varity of pagan beliefs far older than the bible.

The second part is about 9/11. I don't know if 9/11 was a conspiracy or not, but I do notice a great deal of inconsistancies surrounding the building collapses, the lack of a response from our military, and the subsequent and unrelated war. What really happend I don't know.

The third part is basically a lesson in history detailing the banking system, globalization, the continual state of war our country has been in. Then tying all together as a means for the rich elite to become even richer, to deconstruct the protections put into place by our constitutional founders, and to enslave people not by law or military force, but through the shackles of debt and fearmongering.

Even if you disregard all of this as bunk, there is still a great deal of quantifiable fact, such as the rise in global poverty, the bizarre imbalance of response to terrorism (which claims far fewer lives then peanut allergies) as compared to greater threats to human well being such as car accidents, heart disease, access to healthcare, and medical research. The fact that 1% of the population is allowed to own 50% of the worlds wealth in and of itself raises a plethora of questions.

If anything this movie should at least make you think. Is capitalism really so great? Are you happy with how the world is? Can you live content so long as you have your stuff, f*** everyone else, they don't deserve it? That seems to be the message we are taught as a nation. That we must prove our worth, that we have no intrinsic value that everything must be graded, everything must be earned, that everyone must be divided, isolated, ranked and numbered. All as a means to justify selfishness and self interest. Fear the immigrants, fear the jews, fear the gays! To view our neighbor as a competitor rather than a fellow human being whose life is of equal value to our own.

I highly recommend both movies. Zeitgeist: Addendum covers the issue of money and economics. It questions our monitary system, it even questions why we don't question our monitary system. Watch them both!

Monday, May 26th, 2008
4:52 am
Someone said to me that you can't ever really be happy alone, that you need other people to be happy. Sometimes I think this might be true but for a different reason than what was implied. When I am with other people it only makes me appreciate the way I get to feel when I'm alone. If I were always alone and didnt' have this contrast then I probably wouldn't appreciate it as I do.

Solitude is the only time when we truly are free.

For the longest time I was searching for this non existant person that would share everything as I do, see everything as I do, but that person doesn't exist. You can't expect anyone to be you, you are the only you, and that is our gift and our curse in this world. As I come to accept that I come to value my time away from other people.
Friday, May 16th, 2008
4:18 pm
We are so effected by everything, and everyone. We might try to hide or pretend like we are unaffected, but it's all a mask it's all a lie. Even when you know you are right, when you know you speak truth, you still feel it, you still feel another persons judgement and it's a scratch upon your armor, no matter how brightly the truth within that armor may shine.

There is no truth, there is only personal truth, and the more you expose that to others, the more likely it is to be tarnished, to be taken away, to be absorbed into other people views, expectations and perceptions. This is why I isolate myself. When I'm around other people I feel part of me slipping away, I feel myself being absorbed by the burdens of others, by their panic. It's like trying to stay calm while everyone else around you is screaming fire. Soon enough you start to believe that fire actually exists. It wears on you, it eats at you, and I don't know how to fix that.

I don't want to be absorbed, I reject the idea of conformity. I love myself, which perhaps that alone makes me different. I do not love myself for anything that is physical, this is but a shell. I do not love myself for anything that I have done, actions are transiant, they dissappear in the wind. I do not love myself for anyone that loves me, if I am loved by others they cannot make me love myself. I love myself for who I am, I love myself at the core of my being for who I see there, for everything that I know I am capable of, for every answer I see floating in the milky darkness, I love myself for my conviction of truth, for my quest for that truth, for my rejection of settling for anything less.

Because of these things I cannot accept the rules of another, I cannot accept blind obediance, I cannot accept attempting to fit in for the sake of someone elses acceptance. The only acceptance that matters is my own, and I love myself. Because I am safe within this I can appreciate diversity, relish it, but I will not conform. So I guess that makes me an outcast.
Monday, June 12th, 2006
1:17 pm
A helpful reminder
Most people in the USA should be aware by now that we don't have the freedom we once had. The NSA is monitoring tens of millions of american phone calls, illegally. They've even made MSN, AOL, and google turn over the search records of their users (google being the only one who refused on the grounds that it violates their user privacy policy).

Now the NSA continues its data mining on Myspace and other social networks and blogs. Some of us are wisely careful about the info they post online, but for those of you out there who felt there was no harm in posting your personal info online you should take a look at this article by New Scientist. "...a few have lost their jobs by publicly describing drinking and drug-taking exploits. Young people have even been barred from the orthodox religious colleges that they are enrolled in for revealing online that they are gay."
Wednesday, February 8th, 2006
3:08 pm
I finally got a photobucket account. Since we've gotten the kittens there has been much picture taking and I just wanted to share them with everyone out there. We also have some nice short digital movies, but I'm not sure where I can upload those, anyone know of a site? below is a picture of Julie that I took today, she decided the cat grass was a nice cool spot to lay.

Current Mood: accomplished
Monday, January 16th, 2006
12:59 pm
I was rereading my religion post and I think I failed to emphasize the real problem I see with religion, and that is that it has been used throughout history as a guise under which to control and manipulate people.

Religion in and of itself is generally not bad, it usually teaches kindness, goodness, and other things we should strive for. The real problem lies in the organization. Religious organizations, churches, etc, can so easily be made platforms for personal agendas, politics, racism, abortion, prejudice, seperatism, that it can be an incredibly dangerous thing. Especially when you have figureheads in the church, preachers and so forth that weild far more power than they should. Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.

I think we would all agree that one of our greatest freedoms in this world is our freedom to believe what we want, and think what we want, to think for ourselves! Religion (organizations) for all of their great ideals, so easily lead people astray, so easily keep people from thinking for themselves, from reading or listening to anything but what is taught to them by the church, from asking the simple yet incredibly important question of why? Or asking questions at all!

I think that's one of the reasons we're in this supposed "war on terror" which is really just a front for the Bush families political agenda which frankly is pretty damn transparent, the reason that people STILL support the president even after all the blantent idiocy this administration has shown, and why more people aren't pissed off about the recent nomination of Alito who wants to undermine every constitutional right this country was built on! I mean my god this is a man who said "this job sure would be a lot easier if it were a dictatorship, with me as the dictator." He said that, and the fact that everyone in the country is not appauled by this man and his cronies is just baffling to me.

If you want to be informed if you want to be a part of where this country is headed I encourage anyone reading this to visit moveon.org or airamericaradio.com or hell just google search on what's going on in this country, don't take my word on it, don't take anyones word on it, do the research yourself, think for yourself! But don't just take what the news media, what your church or even what your family feeds you. Be an individual, and by doing so be the true american that this country was founded on.

I highly recommend listening to air america radio either on your radio or online you can stream download it, the randi rhodes show is from 3-7pm est she has a real way of telling it like it is, and unlike those right wing radio shows she quotes her sorces and challenges you to do the research yourself and find out if what she says is BS or not, because some of it certainly is unbelievable, but unfortunatly it's all true.

Current Mood: determined
Monday, October 17th, 2005
8:10 pm
"Someday I'll Fly Away. Leave all this to yesterday. Why live life from dream to dream? And dread the day when dreaming ends..."

I've been reading a lot lately, nearly a book every other day. Oddly enough it makes me even more inclined to stay here in the house and never leave, not until I'm forced out. "And dread the day when dreaming ends..." that's the way I feel around other people, all my dreaming ended. Squashed under the insecurities and ignorance of others. But here I am safe to dream, safe to live as I would, think as I will. No judgement cast, no fear laid on my shoulders, or any of those other burdens people force each other to carry.

Current Mood: contemplative
Friday, August 19th, 2005
10:48 pm
Happy birthday to me
I think this may be the only birthday I've ever spent entirely alone. Just me and the cat and a boat load of silence. It's not too terrible though, I had a party last weekend and that was enough excitement to last me a while.

The real reason I'm here is because I'm stirred up about the self riteous christians that abound. Which that statement of irony perfectly illustrates my irritation (self riteousness is supposedly a sin, and yet christians are one of the first people to display this characteristic). Supposedly God teaches togetherness. How is it then, that religion is the most divisive institution on this earth? Christianity in particular is very seperatist, if you do not fit within their very narrow view of what is acceptable, then they suddently display all the characteristics of what they say they are trying not to embody.

Peace, tolerance, love, togetherness? You can't have any of this unless are able to love people in all of their diversity of beliefs, without trying to conform them to your own. If you want to be Christian, more power to you, in the end who is to say who is right or wrong about the world and the universe. The truth of the world written in an antiquated text or reading destiny in the intestines of a cow. I really wouldn't venture to say which is right, both are equally absurd and equally likely to be right or wrong. If it makes you happy and it doesn't harm anyone, then go for it. Don't force your beliefs on me though, or threaten me with eternal damnation and so forth. Just because you chose to believe something doesn't mean you have the right to force that belief on others. The truth is that you don't know if your beliefs are any more valid then the next persons, so you should respect other people, and their beliefs.

I think it's also important to add for perspectives sake, that religion (though it should be) is not usually something made by choice. We are conditioned from birth to believe whatever we believe, and while it may feel like "truth" to us it's really just deep ingrained conditioning. There are the rare few that actually chose thier beliefs as informed adults, but the majority of us out there believe what believe because it's what was taught to us, or it's what predominates in our community. If you think about that for a minute you beging to realize that this isn't really the basis for truth/free thought/insight, it's just the side effect of who/where you were born to and not necissary a good/true or bad/false thing.

Christians would be a lot better people if they actually practiced what they preached... Tolerance, love, togetherness, no matter what we believe, or who we prefer to have sex with we are all human, and if you believe in God then we are all equal in his eyes should we practice religion in church or not.
Wednesday, May 4th, 2005
2:13 am
It's frightning to think how much faith you place in things that are not certain. It's a fragile state of being, when you glimpse for a moment that maybe your faith was unfounded. What can you do? Tear that comfort from yourself and start over? Or do you just hope that things go right, and that your world doesn't crumble in around you? Maybe it's better to have faith in nothing and no one. Sometimes I think so. People continue to dissapoint me, and yet I try to have hope in them anyway, even when each new encounter gives me something to lament. Why do I try? Why do any of us... I live and breath because it's all I know.
Thursday, April 7th, 2005
12:56 am
I feel like I understand things in a very different way than most people. I guess that can be said for almost everyone. But sometimes I feel like this is almost a disease with me. It isn’t that I’m not on the same page with people, but it’s like I’m reading an entirely different book. I admit I’m an idealist, and part of being an idealist means living in your own little world, but you’d think maybe someone else out there would be in my world too, or at least understand, comprehend, or vaguely identify with the way I see things. I’m still waiting for this to happen.

Current Mood: Distant
Monday, May 24th, 2004
9:13 am
Crazy. Dysfunctional. Lost. Ugly, misshapen words sometimes used to describe visions from within. Any who see a specter, or a shadow, or a vibrant image of any sort from within the confines of their own mind are seen as unnatural.
All this from simple misaligned perceptions, otherwise imaginative people chased away from their own subconscious by the mass of people with no imagination to speak of. There lies the problem of it all, everybody with a spark of creativity, and no one willing to be aware.
It’s my hope that awareness can be spread virally through the community, spreading from one person to the next in an infinite chain to end ignorance and to end the oppression of the mind that seems so pervasively common.
Sunday, May 16th, 2004
11:36 pm
Henry David Thoreau said it best when he said: “Any fool can make a rule and any fool will mind it.” Why do I like this quote so much? Because it brings to light a certain irony in our society, any fool can make a rule and many fools do mind it. We seem to take rules as the end all and be all of civilization, they after all, dictate our every action in our daily lives, yet few of us ever stop blindly following them long enough to ask the question why? For as Henry David Thoreau said “Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it…” From our early childhood a set of rules is laid before us and we are taught to heed these rules without question, without reason, on pain of punishment, on pleasure of reward for our obedience. Any fool can make a rule, and so many fools mind it because we are taught from the beginning of our lives to do so. Yet this quote so eloquently states the flaw in our obedience and conformity. Just because a rule is made, does not mean you should mind it.
Monday, April 26th, 2004
9:19 am
In the course of my studies, I’ve come across an interesting aspect associated with thinking visually. I’ve discovered a quaint ability to generate a topographical image of a stretch of land and objects after viewing them from a normal perspective. I can accurately plot spaces, trajectories, and other movements from within this mental image, leaving behind the trappings of traditional sight translation. I find that closing my eyes is a means of seeing that I hadn’t considered before, but it has great potential to change everything.
Furthermore, objects in this realm of discourse are broken down into their fundamental properties. People become textures with tendencies, inanimate objects become mere obstacles, and the ground becomes a transparent tapestry, foreshadowing and backlighting all that happens at my whim. I believe that, if I truly explored this realm, I would find everything decomposing itself to pure energy, with everything transmuted to a common ancestry. Would everything be simpler to understand? Or would the undercurrent political structure of this world of energy be too much for me to comprehend?
Saturday, April 17th, 2004
3:03 pm
This is a class assignment, just posting it here for later retrieval and possible public interest.

What aspect of our lives is not defined by contrast? The contrast of black text on this very white paper for instance. What would a sunny day mean to someone who lives in perpetual brightness? It would go unnoticed. And yet to those of us who live in the ever grayness of Seattle a sunny day brings smiles to almost all. The extent to which you can experience joy or happiness is only limited by the extent to which you have suffered and known grief. A child only just born into the world is unaware of this dichotomy. He will only see things from his very limited perspective, limited even more if he is sheltered from the realities of the world by his parents. For someone who has never known the word no, at the age of three or four suddenly hearing the word must be quite a shock. It would seem a great injustice to someone new to this world, yet so small by someone who has had only a few years more on this earth. All things eventually bleed into a sense of dullness if there is no change. Joy ceases to be joy, as it becomes neutral, normal, expected. Even perpetual grief and sorrow will turn eventually into a dull numbness if there is nothing to contrast it to. Such words of evil and good are only perceptions based on an individuals life experiences. Ask 100 different people what is good to them and you will get 100 different answers, and they will all vary greatly depending on their world environment.
Being aware of contrast and its necessity is a bittersweet reality. There is no heaven or hell by the definition of contrast, there is both good and bad and neither one able to exist without the other.
Thursday, January 15th, 2004
4:53 pm
Just in case anyone is wondering (or cares)
Yeah I haven't been around, any place really. My day consists of 4 things: School, homework, Real Work, and Final Fantasy Online. I haven't done a bit of art in the last month and hardly any emailing or other online social activities. I don't know why, I guess I'm just disenchanted at the moment. Also I'm taking a full load of classes for once so that doesn't help. Getting up at 8am really zaps the energy out of me, and then on the days that I have school in the morning and then work nights... it's no wonder in my free time I just feel like zoning out in a video game.

Anyway that's my status if you wanted to know, I hope to finish a drawing I want to sumbit for the licton springs review, deadline is jan 31, I hope I make it.
Tuesday, December 2nd, 2003
4:54 pm
My ticket has gone through finally *rejoices* so take a look at my newest dragon Axis if you get a chance. Also I have a new bio pic up with me and my pretty earth sword, Joe took it of me next to the river, it was near dusk so it's bit dark but I still like it.
12:49 am
A conversation with Damien
Damien is one of those people that really bother me, he's highly intelligent, and yet he puts none of his mind to good use...

damien: Well, that was my outlet for the longest time. Cutting myself let out the emotional and (temporarily, the physical) pain in a wash of crimson
isis_lorelei_of_eden: well maybe it's time you rediscovered writing as an outlet only leave behind the cutting.
damien: Eh... The only outlet I've been even remotely interested in lately has been drinking, and I don't have the money for that.
isis_lorelei_of_eden: I don't see how you can say there isn't a poet still in you, your language just now was very poetic. And this outlet is certainly a whole lot cheaper than booze and much more progressive.
damien: I'm not doubting that there isn't a bit of poet in me. But, I've no reason that I can think of to exercise that part of me anymore. I used it for what I needed it for. I used it to get out that which needed release. Anything else can use the side door.
isis_lorelei_of_eden: It's a shame you feel that way. Odd that you say pain is only inspiration, you seem a bit in pain now. Where do you want that to lead you?
damien: Honestly, nowhere. If there were a way to lose all the pain I feel, save killing myself, I'd take it up in a heartbeat.
isis_lorelei_of_eden: Then tell me again, why don't you write?
damien: Because writing hardly quells the pain.
isis_lorelei_of_eden: Well maybe you need a whole novel then, but I'm guessing at this point things are tight inside you. What good is your pain if you keep it locked inside or share it only with a bottle?
damien: What good is pain, period?
isis_lorelei_of_eden: Pain - what is joy if there were no pain? I thought you knew the dynamics of light and dark. We all need balance, we can't deny a whole side of reality and let it overtake us. Be gray and be whole.
damien: I've had a hell of a lot of pain in my life, and very little joy. Sucks for it to be a one sided deal
isis_lorelei_of_eden: Well maybe you haven't looked hard enough to see what's good. It's our human frailty to remember a beloved pet run over and forget a child who gives us a flower...
damien: Well, consider me the opposite of Dorian Gray, then
isis_lorelei_of_eden: But you have to decide you want to see light as well dark. Maybe you like the pain more than you think, which is why you continue to serve it.
damien: Bah... I'd much rather be happy, than constantly miserable. I'd much rather have someone in my arms while I sleep, than sleep alone night after night.
isis_lorelei_of_eden: You're never alone, even if your bed is empty at the end of the day.
damien: Hardly... Have you ever heard the song "Alone" by Suicidal Tendencies?
damien: Well, there are two lines in that song that fit me to a T.. "I feel so alone in a roomful of people. I'm loneliest when I'm in a crowd."
damien: But, while I'm enjoying this conversation, I have to regretfully put an end to it for the night. It's getting close to 1am, and I have to be up by 7
isis_lorelei_of_eden: It's strange, you don't ever wonder how it is in a world overpopulated with people how anyone should feel alone, and yet... almost everyone does. You have to think to yourself, what are you doing to change that?
damien: I've given up on trying to change that. Everytime I try, something happens that ends up with me more miserable than I was before. That's why I'm going back to school. It's, partially, an attempt to drown out my misery by immersing myself in something else. Will it work? Probably not. But, it won't hurt to try. Either way, I've definitely enjoyed this conversation, and I do definitely hope that I'll see you online more often.
isis_lorelei_of_eden: If everyone made a conscious effort to connect, we'd all realize how similar we are, and we'd learn that we wouldn't have to feel alone. But everyone is afraid, everyone is sad, everyone has their own neurosis keeping everyone and everything at bay. Maybe we're just desined to be alone then, how can we fight against everyone? But that's when you decide if you want to be hopeless or live for a cause.
damien: Anyways... Goodnight, and sleep well when your head finally meets the pillow.
isis_lorelei_of_eden: Goodnight to you too, I hope you sleep well.
damien: I should. I'm nearly exhausted. Night.

He doesn't even want my help, I don't know why I try...
Monday, December 1st, 2003
1:48 am
Things seem to finally be calming down at elfwood rant. I'm surprised at how much a couple of posts of mine got the board going again, but now I'm a bit ranted out. There isn't much left to say that hasn't already be said. But if I see the same one-sided arguements rise up again I won't hesitate to interject. It's enough for me to see the board alive again than to worry about every little battle, I simply don't have the energy for it. So long as intelligent people at elfwood continue to have mature and articulate descussions all is well, diversity is preserved.

In other elfwood news my newest dragon is now 1515 out of 2739 in the que, so it'll be up in the next couple of days if I'm lucky.
Tuesday, November 18th, 2003
4:08 pm
This fits me so well it's uncanny...
The Champion Idealists are abstract in thought and speech, cooperative in accomplishing their aims, and informative and extraverted when relating with others. For Champions, nothing occurs which does not have some deep ethical significance, and this, coupled with their uncanny sense of the motivations of others, gives them a talent for seeing life as an exciting drama, pregnant with possibilities for both good and evil. This type is found in only about 3 percent of the general population, but they have great influence because of their extraordinary impact on others. Champions are inclined to go everywhere and look into everything that has to do with the advance of good and the retreat of evil in the world. They can't bear to miss out on what is going on around them; they must experience, first hand, all the significant social events that affect our lives. And then they are eager to relate the stories they've uncovered, hoping to disclose the "truth" of people and issues, and to advocate causes. This strong drive to unveil current events can make them tireless in conversing with others, like fountains that bubble and splash, spilling over their own words to get it all out.

Champions consider intense emotional experiences as being vital to a full life, although they can never quite shake the feeling that a part of themselves is split off, uninvolved in the experience. Thus, while they strive for emotional congruency, they often see themselves in some danger of losing touch with their real feelings, which eNFps possess in a wide range and variety. In the same vein, eNFps strive toward a kind of spontaneous personal authenticity, and this intention always to "be themselves" is usually communicated nonverbally to others, who find it quite attractive. All too often, however, eNFps fall short in their efforts to be authentic, and they tend to heap coals of fire on themselves, berating themselves for the slightest self-conscious role-playing.
Monday, November 10th, 2003
11:00 pm
I was almost late for work today. I was so absorbed in the thralls of writing this that I lost complete track of time:

I walk alone.
Though some may try to hold my hand, I thrust it away.
Why do I do this?
What does it bring but more heart ache?
I try to disway my foolish spirit.
It is bright and reckless it cares nothing for what it does to the rest of us,
it will cut us in two or more.
It won’t be happy till we’re on the floor
begging for mercy.
I don’t know what to do.
It is cunning.
I won’t be happy until I’m running
Far, far away.

And I was running! only it was for the Goddamn bus that I missed (I chose to have a sense of humor about this). Luckily I still made it to the 358, which I normally avoid because of all the psycho's that inhabit it. But I'm okay now. Just thought I'd share. The house is still empty, it's just me and the cat...

Current Mood: grateful
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